Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails
by Fiction Man 9000
Summary: First attempt at writting a humor fic. This is mainly focusing on Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails. Random stuff, sorta like Family Guy in a way. Rated T for bad language and other inappropriate things. Couldn't write a good summary.
1. Welcome home

This is my first attempt to write a humor story. I'm not really that good so I tried my best.

Disclaimer: Sonic is own by Sonic Team.

* * *

"Is everything ready when they get here?" asked Amy as Silver and Shadow hanged a banner saying 'Welcome home war heroes'.

"Why am I even doing this? I hoping faker dies," said Shadow.

"Bastard owes ten bucks," Silver said.

Everyone was here to welcome Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles home from a war in Iraq (Settings on Earth). Amy was talking to Sally about Sonic as usual. Julie Su, Rouge, and Sonia were giving each other evil glares. Everyone was talking with each other.

Then everything went silence as the doorknob started to turn. Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails walked through the door.

"SURPRISE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" the three screamed.

Everyone looked at the three, noticing something different about them.

"Holy crap," screamed Rouge, "what happened!"

Sonic has bandaged on his neck, Tails has bandaged on his ear, stomach, arm, and foot. Knuckles, who was carrying the two has a bandaged on his foot.

"Oh Tails had an idea that would get us out of the service," Sonic said in a raspy voice.

"Hey it worked didn't it," Tails said in defense.

_(Flash back)_

"Tails are you sure about this?" asked Sonic.

"Of course. It's just like on Family Guy, the two of us will shoot each other in the foot and the third person we'll slit his throat. So Sonic you and me will shoot each other in the foot…"

"WHOA! Hold on there Tails I am not going to have a bullet in my foot, it will slow me down."

"Sheesh okay, Knuckles, you and me then." Knuckles came over, holding his gun.

"Tails you really wanna go through with this?" Knuckles asked.

"YES, I'm very positive!" Tails said getting a little peeved.

"Okay Knuckles, on three. One. Two. Three."

BANG

"Dammit, oh my god that hurts," Knuckles yelled as he jumps on one foot.

"YOU BASTARD, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO AIM FOR THE FOOT!" Tails yelled kneeling down.

"I did aim for the foot."

"THEN WHY IS THERE A BULLET IN MY CROTCH!"

"I'm sorry let me…"

BANG

"DAMNIT!" Tails yelled as a bullet pierced his arm.

"Oh god Tails I'm sorry it slipped I…"

BANG

"_BLEEP!_" Tails got shot again in the stomach.

"Jeeze I'm sorry Tails…"

BANG

"AGH!" once again to Knuckles stupidity Tails got shot in the ear.

"Tails I'm so sor…"

"GIVE ME IT, GIVE ME THE GUN I'LL DO IT MYSELF!" Knuckles handed him the gun. And what do you know; Tails shot himself in the foot and passed out. Knuckles looked over at Sonic.

"Well I guess I'll slit your throat now."

"Oh hell no, if I'm gonna die, its gonna be by my own hands," Sonic said as he took out his combat knife and raised it to his neck. "At least I won't owe Silver that ten bucks," the blue hedgehog said as he deeply slit his throat.

"Ah jeeze," Knuckles said, "I was just going to use this butter knife."

Then two army men ran over caused they heard the gun shot.

"Jesus Christ what happened here," asked one of the soldiers. With Knuckles he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick, "We were being snipe at, and they got my yellow friend and got me in the foot. The narcissus hedgehog over there got scared so he committed suicide."

"Get these men to the infirmary," the soldier told the other, "We're sending you boys home."

"You mean you actually believe me!"

_(Flash Back Ends)_

Everyone stood there silent.

"You mean you guys shot yourself just to get out of war," said Espio.

"And Tails, it was your idea." All eyes were on Tails.

"Honestly I didn't expect it to turn out so badly."

"Hey is that cake," Knuckles said as he dropped Sonic and Tails to go get himself some cake.

"Hmph, some war heroes," Shadow scoff.

Silver walked up to Sonic. Sonic could tell what was coming.

"Where's my ten dollars?"

* * *

Well I hope you enjoyed it. I'll see about the next chapter. 


	2. shopping and fan girls

Thank you all for the reviews, it made me wanna continue this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own jack.

* * *

"Damn those greedy little bastards," said Tails as he pushed a cart around Wal-Mart. You see at the welcome home party, everyone used all of their food instead of going out buying food. "Jeez," complain Tails, "they're worse than the Germans."

"You're only saying that about the Germans because they used you for the hunt," said Knuckles.

_(Flashback)_

A bunch of German hunters all line up outside their lodge.

"Okay release the fox," said one of the hunters. As they open a cage containing Tails, he dashed out like a mad man…err fox.

"NAZI," Tails yelled, "YOU GUYS ARE _BLEEP_ING NAZI."

"RELEASE THE HOUNDS," yelled one of the hunters. They let go of the dogs leashed and the hounds went after Tails. Tails didn't get real far since he trip over his own tail so the dogs got Tails and started tearing him to shreds.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Tails screamed as the dogs ripped at his flesh. The hunters stared in horror at the carnage.

"Huh, weren't we supposed to just capture the fox and let him live?" asked one of the hunter. The others shrugged. Suddenly the dogs started yelping and ran from Tails broken body.

"Good thing I had that burrito," said Tails as he dragged his eaten body.

_(Flashback end)_

Knuckles and Tails went to the electronics to find Sonic. Sonic was playing a play station 3 game while not letting the other kids play.

"Mister, can I please play now?"

"Screw you," Sonic said rudely to the kid.

Knuckles and Tails had to grab the game addicted hedgehog, who had death grip on the controller. "Let me go you two timing-," Sonic stop what he was doing as he stared in horror of who was across the aisle.

"Oh crap Amy!" Sonic blurted out as he let go of the controller and then dash past Knuckles and Tails and into a women changing room the clothes department where a woman, who was occupying the room, ran out screaming. The two shook their heads.

"Sonic," Knuckles said, "When will you stop playing with that girl's heart?" Knuckles, who was waiting for an answer, suddenly froze at what he saw. Rouge the Bat shopping for clothes, Julie Su was at the next bracket, and Sonia was in the next bracket. If those three were to see each other than Knuckles, all hell would break loose, not literally but it almost did.

Knuckles broke the door and kicked Sonic out.

"Hey, no fair." Sonic complained.

Knuckles poked his head out the door and shouted "LOOK, IT IS I SONIC, OUT HERE IN THE OPEN!"



"SONIC!" Amy shouted with glee as she had hearts in her eyes. Sonic had cross bone in his eye as he banged on the door shouting "KNUCKLES YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Amy caught and gave Sonic a deathly hug around his neck.

"Oh Sonic, I knew you would be here, my Sonic senses was tingling like crazy," Amy said as she continue hugging Sonic, ignoring the fact that he couldn't breathe and was gasping for air. Tails just looked at the two. "Maybe I should go pay for this."

(_In car, driving home_)

"Knuckles you're really a dick sometimes," Sonic said in a raspy voice due to Amy's hug earlier.

"Hey, you think having a fan girl is bad, three is worse. Two would've been pulling on my arm and the other had the head."

Tails was tired of their bickering and turned on the radio.

_"Hello this is KISR live and with great music. We got a message for Knuckles the Echidna from Queen Aleena Hedgehog."_

"Mom?" Sonic said, confused as to why his mother was letting KISR give a message to Knuckles over the air. Tails was also confused. Knuckles was doing everything in his power to stop him from screaming like a little girl.

_"Knuckles, if you don't date my daughter and marry her, I will hunt you down and rip your freaking nuts off."_

When the car came to a red light, Sonic and Tails look in the back at Knuckles who was letting out a silent screamed since he was still trying to keep from that screaming like a girl.

"Knuckles," Tails said, "what did you do?"

* * *

Sorry if it was short, or wasn't good, I couldn't think of anything else for this chapter.

Just so you know, if anyone ever wonders, no I don't hate Tails it just something that goes with the story.

Also, if anyone has a good title for this story can you please let me know?


	3. Groceries and experiments

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belong to sega, just the games they sell.

* * *

"Oh c'mon Knuckles, why won't you tell us?" ask Sonic, who has been asking Knuckles what he did to have his mother make such an announcement on the radio.

"Sonic, I already told you I'm not talking about it," Knuckles said as he carried in the groceries. Tails was getting annoyed with the two so he grabbed some stuff he bought for himself and went down into the basement.

"Please Knuckles, pretty please."

"No! Just thinking about it makes me uneasy, like the time I came out to the Jedi Counsel."

_(Flashback)_

Knuckles is standing in the middle of the Jedi Counsel wearing a cloak, looking uneasy.

"What is it that you like to tell us young Echidna?" said Yoda. Knuckles looked around the room, looking at everybody. Knuckles took in a deep breath. Everyone in the room lean in to get a better hearing.

"Everyone," Knuckles started, "I…" He stopped. Yoda rolled his hand meaning for him to continue. Knuckles took a deep breath. "Everyone, I joined the dark side."

The whole counsel gasp. "Young Echidna, you know we will stop you," said Yoda.

"True, but it's better than being a thousand year old virgin." Everyone gasped and turn to Yoda, who was looking pretty hurt.

"Low blow, that was."

_(Flashback end)_

Sonic was about to say something when all of a sudden.

BOOM

Sonic and Knuckles turned their heads to the basement doors, which had flown right off its hinges, to see smoke coming from downstairs.

"Holy crap, Tails!" yelled Sonic as he and Knuckles ran down into the basements to help the fox. The two found the fox covered in dust, staring wide eye with his mouth hanging open.

"Tails," Sonic said, "Speak to me buddy, what happen." Tails weakly raised his arm and pointed in front of him. "Tails it rude to point," the blue hedgehog said.

"Look… at what… I created," Tails said between breaths. Sonic and Knuckles turned their heads around to see what the fox was pointing at. What they saw made their eyes open wide to the size of dinner plate and mouths drop to the floor. Three young women, one blonde, the other red, and black, that looks to be about twenty, wearing bikinis.



"Tails," Sonic said, not taking an eye off the ladies, "how did you make them?"

"I just added sugar, spice, and everything nice," Tails said, thinking if he left out something, "oh yeah, I accidently smashed a container of Chemical X."

"Are you sure about that Tails," Knuckles said handing him a smash container. Tails took it and looked it over.

Chemical XXX.

"Well I'll be damn."

"Tails, why were you trying to make the powerpuff girls?" asked Sonic

"Well I was talking to this one guy at a science convention and he mention that this was really possible, but I laughed. So we made this deal that if this was possible, the winner would get twenty bucks," looks at the girls, "and by the looks of this, I'm gonna be kissing my twenty dollars good bye."

Knuckles got up and headed up stairs, "Well you guys figure about what to do with them, I'm gonna go put the food away."

When Knuckles got to the kitchen, he noticed something was a missed. The kitchen was clean, too clean. Then it dawned on him. "Tails must be using that new Mr. Clean stuff." Then he noticed something else that he was **supposed** to notice was missing.

"AAH! THE FOOD, WERE'S THE FOOD!" Knuckles turned to the front door and saw some small animals carrying the food off in a red wagon.

"YOU SONS OF BITCHES GET BACK HERE," Knuckles roared and began to chase after them but stop when he noticed a skunk raising its tail. "Uh oh."

BOOM

Green gas started to flow to the windows cracked and the chimney. The skunk looked through the gas to see if the red echidna was knocked out. As the gas clear, the skunk eyes widen in horror when it saw Knuckles wearing a gas mask. He kicked the skunk right out the window.

Knuckles ran outside to see the other critters running across the street. The echidna picked up a rock and chunk it and hit a possum in the head that caused it to fall over. The others scatter, leaving the food as Knuckles ran after them.

As Knuckles reached the food, he noticed a dead possum by it. He reached down and picked it up by the tail and shook it a bit. When it didn't move, Knuckles suddenly felt guilty about hitting it in the head. Then he started to get worried. What if someone reports this to animal police? Looking around to see if anyone was watching, he lifted up a manhole and drop the possum in. Grabbing the food, he headed back to the house.

The other animals gathered around the manhole, wondering how to get it open. When nothing came to mind, a raccoon spoke, "Well okay time to come clean, I have been using ya'll to help gathered food to pay back a very pissed off bear. I thought I tell you now since Ozzy and Stella are dead now. Oh and Heather, when you said you felt like someone did you in your sleep that one night. Yeah, that was me."



Knuckles finally putted the rest of the food away and started air spraying the whole house. When Knuckles got every room sprayed, he went into the basement to check on Sonic and Tails to see if they did anything about the three girls. Knuckles saw Sonic and Tails with the look of horror one their faces. Their bodies looked really stiff like if you move a body part it would snap off. In other words, they look dead. The smell must of got them since there was no basement door. Knuckles looked to see where the girls are and found out they got turn back into what they were made of.

"That must have been one hell of bad smell," Knuckles said as he turn the basement light off, leaving the two downstairs and went to grab some chips and watch tv.

* * *

I hope you enjoy this chapter. I been running out of ideas.

Parodies used: Powerpuff Girls, Star Wars, and Over The Hedge.

Next Chapter: The trio get invited to attend a funeral for a legendary soldier and allow a guest to stay at their home. Sonic wants to get a pet.


End file.
